On Family
by Shadow Sakura
Summary: 1st in my Family series. The Lightman Group gets a deeper look into Loker's personal life, while he finds the right time to take a big leap. Eli Loker/OC. Warning: Mention of attempted suicide.


"Hey, has anyone seen Loker?" Ria asked into the room, where she, Cal, and Gillian had spent the morning analyzing video for the FBI.

"Week off," Cal said. "Family obligations."

"And you just gave him the week? When we've got four cases and consulting work for the feds?" Cal leveled her with a stare.

"Need I remind you that he's the vice president - if he wants to take his first vacation since I promoted him three years ago, he can have it. He's never taken a day off if he can help it, and I won't begrudge anyone here their family. Now get over it and get to work."

Properly chastised, Ria did as she was told.

* * *

Unfortunately, two days later, just letting Loker have the week was no longer an option. Their newest case had blown open a major drug ring, and now that more involved members had been tracked down they were all working over time. Gillian had cursed herself that morning as she dialed his number.

"I'm sorry, Loker, but we really need you. I hate to pull you away, but there's just no way we can do this on our own." She heard the younger man sigh over the phone.

"Gillian, it's not that I can't get away, it's just that I'll have to bring my goddaughters with me until someone can come get them. Their fathers are out of town for their anniversary and the girls are staying with me while they're gone. Their godmother'll be able to pick them up, but not until late this evening."

Gillian was taken aback. Loker had never struck her as the type to spend a lot of time with children. "Well, Emily practically grew up in this building, I'm sure no one will mind a couple of little girls for the day. I really am sorry Eli."

"Don't apologize Gillian, it's fine. I'll be there within the hour."

* * *

Gillian had told Cal about the situation, but Ria had run out for an early lunch and only made it back to the office a few moments before Loker arrived.

"Hey, you got ahold of Loker, right? Is he coming in?"

"Yes, he is," came Loker's voice from behind her. Ria turned, and was unable to mask the shock in her face when she saw him dressed casually, and with two little girls, one around 3 years old held in his right arm, and one around 6 years holding his other hand. Their skin was a rich, dark brown and both had tight dark curls pulled back into haphazard pigtails.

Struggling to cover her surprise, all she could get out was, "Really? An ELO t-shirt and ripped jeans at work?"

His eyebrows raised in amusement. "When you call me in from vacation with my goddaughters you get Uncle Eli, not Eli Loker, V.P." He laughed out loud when her mouth dropped open. In all fairness, he kept this part of his life and himself well compartmentalized away from work.

Gillian stepped past Ria, kneeling down to the 6 year old with a smile. "Hi, my name is Gillian. What's yours?"

Both of her cheeks dimpled when she smiled in return. "I'm Matilda. My little sister's name is Claire. Uncle Eli said we get to watch movies all day today, I brought my favorites!" Claire nodded from her place tucked under her godfather's chin. Gillian tweaked the smaller girl's nose and was rewarded with a giggle.

"C'mon, Tilly, let's go up to my office," Loker said, nudging the girl towards the elevators. "What movie do you want to watch first?"

"The Little Mermaid!"

"That's my favorite movie!"

"Mine too Uncle Eli!"

Gillian and Ria exchanged a glance at the sparkling pink backpack on his back. This was going to be an interesting day.

* * *

To everyone's surprise, Loker was quite skilled with the little girls. When Matilda pulled a hairbrush from the backpack, Ria had made to move towards her, but the little girl had gone straight to her godfather and climbed into his lap. He deftly brushed her hair and twisted it into braided pigtails, before moving on to Claire, who wanted the same thing. He glanced up at his three colleagues as he worked, amused at their bewildered expressions.

"I've seen these girls almost every single day since they were born. When you're one of the people trusted to raise a child if something happens to their parents you take it seriously."

Meanwhile, Matilda had gained Ria's attention and was quickly filling the woman in on their vacation. "Daddy and Papa are on their second honeymoon, whatever that means. They didn't even go to Disneyland, so I'm glad that we got to stay with Uncle Eli, he's waaaaay more fun than Daddy and Papa. Last night, he let me stay up all the way to 11 o'clock! And then we slept in really late and he made my favorite pancakes and let me and Claire eat in the bed!"

"Wow, that sounds like fun!" Ria enthused, unable to deny how the little girl brightened the room, and touched at the obvious depth of her love for her godfather.

"Only because they refuse to get out of it," Loker insisted, accepting a kiss from Claire before she climbed down from his lap. "Little girls are supposed to sleep on the sofa bed, but somehow I wake up every morning with little hands and feet in my face."

Matilda and Claire only giggled as they settled down into their godfather's couch with a portable DVD player in front of them. He handed them a bottle of water and a plastic bag of goldfish crackers, and told them to knock on the door to his inner office, where they'd be working for the day, if they needed him. They nodded absently, already too interested in their movie to be any trouble.

Cal looked on at the scene, strangely proud of the younger man. He had grown closer to the now 32 year old over the years, but they had still kept their private lives very private. He had wondered if Loker found fulfillment anywhere outside of work, knowing he lived far from his parents and having only heard of a few sporadic dates with different women, and was genuinely glad to see that he had his own kind of family dynamic that clearly made him happy.

* * *

It was later that afternoon, when the girls were supposed to be napping, that there was a small knock at the door. Ria paused the video while Loker quickly stood to see what was needed. Cal and Gillian glanced up from the files they were looking over, but stayed focused on their work.

It was Claire, dragging a stuffed knit rabbit by one ear and rubbing her tear stained face with the her other hand. "What's wrong, Bug?" The girl only sniffled in response, looking into her godfather's eyes as fresh tears spilled. "I need you to use your words, Bug, I can't read your mind. Tell me what's wrong. Remember your steps? Deep breath, think about it, let it out. Can you do that for me?" The girl shook her head in the negative, throwing her arms around Loker's neck.

They now had the subtle attention of his three colleagues. Ria looked about to say something as Loker pried the little girl away from his body, but Gillian shook her head discreetly, having noticed throughout the day that Claire didn't speak. She had an idea of the problem, and Loker was handling it brilliantly.

"Yes, Bug, you can. I know you can. You did it last night, after dinner, remember? Deep breath, think about it, let it out. Tell me what's wrong."

The girl looked torn between heartbroken and angry, and finally took in one deep, almost jagged breath. A few seconds later, a tiny voice came forth. "S-s-scared."

"Why scared?"

Another breath. Another few seconds. "For-forgot."

"Forgot what?" A few beats of silence. "Where you are? Did you wake up and forget where you were, is that why you're scared?" Claire nodded, throwing herself at him again, and this time he stood with her in his arms. "It's okay, Bug, I'd be scared too. But you're safe here, Matilda's right there on the couch, I'm right here, and you're going to see Aunt Astrid in just a few hours. No need to be scared now, right?" She shook her head from where it was still buried in his neck. "Good girl. Come on, your nap time's almost over anyway. Do you wanna watch another movie?"

This finally seemed to calm her, and she lifted her head slightly and nodded. Loker slipped from the room, waking Matilda gently and changing the disc in the DVD player. She didn't complain when The Little Mermaid started again, cuddling her rabbit to her chest and hunkering down into the couch. When Loker was satisfied she was content, he came back to join his colleagues, who respectfully resumed their work without asking questions.

Ria's head was reeling - she had never imagined that the Loker she knew could connect so well and deeply with children, and was astonished that he truly served as a kind of surrogate father to these little girls. For the first time she found herself regretting how abruptly she had ended things when he had been promoted instead of her. She had never seen him as long term material anyway, and while they had become good friends anything else between them had cooled long ago. She wouldn't pine over him by any means, but she certainly recognized that she still didn't understand everything, no matter how much she could see.

* * *

"Ria, can you please get me that picture album from Uncle Eli's bookshelf?"

Ria looked up to see Matilda standing at the open door to Loker's office. Cal and Gillian had left to pickup dinner for the group, and Loker was in the restroom, so she stood, happy to stretch her legs for a moment. "Sure babe. Point it out to me?"

The little girl pointed to a shelf just out of her reach, at a green and brown photo album that Ria had never noticed before. She pulled it down now, taking in the cover. _Family_ was emblazoned across it in gold lettering, and there was a group picture underneath that. It was clearly taken in the hospital after Claire's birth - Loker and two black men she presumed to be the girls' fathers were gathered around a hospital bed where a pretty redhead lay, a tiny Claire nestled in her arms and a younger Matilda tucked into her side. Both black men had a hand on the baby, looking down at both their daughters with love and pride. Everyone looked exhausted and happier than anything. Ria had to force herself to hand the album to the little girl without asking to look at it with her - it was none of her business. Loker had kept this part of his life a very well hidden secret, and she had no right to intrude.

"You can look at it if you want," came Loker's amused voice from behind her. She whirled around, embarrassed at having been snuck up on twice in the same day. He laughed again. "You've met two of the most important people in my life already, no reason not to see the rest of them."

Ria flushed. "You don't have to. It's none of my business." Loker shook his head before taking a seat between Matilda and Claire on the couch, and Matilda pulled Ria down to her other side, eager to introduce her family.

"That's me and Claire," she pointed at the cover happily, "and my Daddy and my Papa. And that's Uncle Eli, and that's Aunt Astrid. Aunt Astrid is our mommy, sort of, but not really, so we call her Aunt Astrid." Ria raised a questioning eyebrow at Loker over the girl's head.

"Astrid was their surrogate for the girls," he explained. "They both had the same anonymous egg donor, while Matilda is Rhome's biological daughter and Claire is Dante's. Astrid carried them, and she's their other godparent. She and Rhone own a coffee shop a few blocks away, she'll be picking them up after they close since it looks like we'll be here late."

Ria nodded while Matilda began pointing out pictures. "That's Daddy and Papa and Uncle Eli and Aunt Astrid when they were little, they've been best friends since forever!" Loker nodded confirmation.

"It's disgustingly cliche, we were practically that show Rugrats. Our mothers were all best friends, they did everything together. High school, college, nursing school. All four got married in the same year, bought houses on the same street, we were all born within six months of each other. We were raised together, went through everything together ourselves. We even had a band in college. Astrid and I were the only ones who knew Rhone and Dante were eloping after we graduated, I thought our mothers were going to slaughter us when they found out."

Matilda continued flipping the pages and Ria watched the four friends grow. Birthday parties, school plays, middle school band concerts. As they moved into their teen years, Rhone (dreadlocks) and Dante (bald) gravitated together, but the four were rarely photographed apart. Various girlfriends and boyfriends drifted in and out around Loker and Astrid, but Ria couldn't help but notice that they were side by side in every single picture. Middle school band photos turned into actual band photos, usually with Loker or Astrid singing with their guitar and keyboard, respectively. There were also mementos - tickets, slips of paper from fortune cookies, even a lottery ticket accompanied by a picture of the four of them with a $20,000 check, followed by documentation of what looked like them backpacking across Europe. Eventually there was a wedding photo for Rhone and Dante, then pictures documenting both of Astrid's pregnancies. Ria also noticed that Loker couldn't keep his eyes off of her in those, either in the photos or in real life.

Cal and Gillian had drifted in partway through, and picked up on the same clues that Loker didn't seem interested in hiding. When they were finished they began unpacking food and enjoyed a pleasant dinner, before Cal and Gillian got back to work, leaving Ria and Loker to clean while Matilda and Claire brushed their teeth.

"I'll be checking!" Loker called after them, smirking when both their shoulders slumped, Matilda's because she'd been caught and Claire's because her big sister had done it.

"You're amazing with them," Ria commented as they collected their garbage. Loker smiled and shrugged.

"Thanks. They're my favorite things in the world, there's not much I wouldn't do for them." Ria raised an eyebrow at him. "Radical Honesty doesn't always have to be me being a dick," he asserted with a mock scowl. She laughed out loud this time.

"That's fair. Also a bit of a lie. Because you love her." She didn't have to say aloud that she meant Astrid.

To her surprise, Loker barely reacted except for a small smile. "Yep."

"Not even a tiny bit of embarrassment or fear? You don't seem to be together, or to have ever been together. Does she know?"

"Yep. Radical Honesty, remember?"

"Then...what? She doesn't return your feelings?"

"I don't know. She didn't say anything back." Ria stopped wiping the table to turn to look at him.

"Are you serious?"

"It's alright. I didn't expect her to. She wasn't exactly in a state of mind to mean it anyway." When Ria didn't say anything, he looked back to her. She was biting her lip, clearly trying to decide whether to pry or let it go. He sighed. "I said it's alright, Ria. It was after Claire was born. The post partum was brutal. Astrid went from being the light of every life she touched to this shell of a human being. When 15 months had gone by and she wasn't getting better, we were scared. Really scared. Someone was always with her, we couldn't trust her to be alone. One night she was staying with me, and she went to the bathroom. She was gone for too long. She picked the lock on my medicine cabinet, and by the time I got the door open she had taken everything she could find. I was trying to force her gag reflex, but she was fighting too hard. I had to do something, something to shock her out of it...something to make her want to live again. So I told her. I told her I'd loved her since we were seven years old and she meant everything to me. And she stopped fighting me. She just looked at me, terrified and in such obvious agony, and let me hold her still for a moment. So I waited. I knew if that didn't do it probably nothing would, so I decided to let her make her choice. And after way, way too long, she turned away and stuck her fingers down her throat. I called 911, she spent 3 months in a psychiatric facility recovering, and she's been doing an amazing job getting better ever since. I picked her up the day she was released, and when I saw her, I told her I meant what I said. She said 'I know,' and that was the last we ever talked about it."

He had long ago stopped cleaning, and just looked down with a peaceful smile. Ria was stunned, resting against the arm of the couch.

"Wow. Just...wow."

"I know, right?" he replied ruefully. "It's really okay though. She's back at work and loves Tilly and Claire to a fault like the rest of us, and she's finally back to her old self."

"So why haven't you tried anything again?"

"Because it's not the right time yet. I'll know when it is." His tone was firm, and he was confident in what he said. Ria couldn't help but believe him.

"Yeah. You will. Good luck." His answering smile was brilliant.

* * *

Shortly after 10 o'clock, there was a knock at the outer door to Loker's office. Matilda looked up from her drawing, thrilled at the familiar face. "Aunt Astrid!" She scrambled down from the couch, managing not to wake the sleeping Claire.

"Hey pretty! Careful, I've got hot coffee here, don't wanna spill, do we? Where's Uncle Eli?"

"Hey, Astrid," Loker said, walking through the inner office door. "How was the shop?"

"Busy and productive, just the way I like it. I brought you guys coffee and muffins, figured you'd need a glucose boost for your late night."

By now Loker's colleagues had joined them, and Gillian stepped forward to shake her hand. "That's so kind of you, Astrid, thank you. I'm Gillian, this is Cal and Ria."

"It's nice to meet you," she grinned back, tucking a fiery curl behind her ear. "I've heard a lot about all of you, what you do here is impressive." Thanks were murmered in return, before they excused themselves back to their work.

The godparents had been gathering the girls' things as they chatted, and Matilda was dutifully helping a very sleepy Claire put on her socks and shoes. "I figured we'd just go to your place since that's where their things are," Astrid said, shouldering the pink backpack before lifting Claire into her arms.

"You know that's fine, you were going to come over tomorrow anyway. You have your key?"

"Yep. Any idea when you'll be done here?"

Loker ran a hand through his hair. "At least a few more hours. My goal is to knock out enough of this video to not have to come back this week. I might have to bring a few things home, but I can work after they're asleep."

"Okay, be safe on your way home," she said, pressing a kiss to his cheek before turning away and guiding the girls from the office.

Ria grinned from her vantage point in the other office. She had a feeling the right time for Loker and Astrid would be soon.

* * *

Eli trudged through his apartment door just before 3 AM, exhausted after spending nearly 14 hours staring at a screen. He slumped against the door as he dropped his bag to the floor, before toeing off his shoes and making his way to his bedroom. A glance at the living room showed it to be empty, so he wasn't surprised to find Matilda and Claire curled in the middle of his bed, with Astrid next to them. She was wearing his favorite tshirt, as she liked to do when she slept over.

In the dim light coming from his desk lamp, he saw her lift her head as he peeled off his shirt and jeans, climbing in on the other side of the sisters in his boxer briefs. "Welcome home," she whispered sleepily, one arm snaking above little heads to grasp his hand briefly, before letting go and settling nearby.

"Thanks," he whispered back. "Did you wait up for me?"

She grinned, eyes closed. "No, I heard the door. I tried, though."

He smiled back. "I'm glad." He watched her settle into her pillow, clearly drifting back towards sleep. They had slept like this with the girls before, but something felt different now. Looking through the photo album today had reminded him what it had been like to watch her create life. Seeing her now, across from two tiny souls, sleeping in his bed, made him want to see that happen again, but with his help this time.

Unexpectedly, she opened her eyes, looking directly into his. "I can practically hear you thinking. What's going on in there?" she asked, reaching over to lay a finger on his forehead.

Eli took a deep breath, looking down at their goddaughters between them, and decided to take a leaf out of Claire's book. Deep breath, think about it, let it out.

Deep breath in. A few moments. "I want to sleep like this with you and our children every night for the rest of our lives. What do you think?"

He saw her eyes widen in surprise, and she lifted her head slightly to see him more clearly. He didn't move, just looked at her, knowing she'd be able to see his honesty. After way, way too long - he seemed to have that effect on her - she lowered her head back to her pillow, still looking in his eyes. Slowly, a small, hopeful smile spread across her face, and her hand reached the few inches to his own, intertwining their fingers. Eli had never seen anything more beautiful than her hand in his. He watched as she drifted back to sleep with a smile on her face, before closing his own eyes.

* * *

She woke before he did, and there was a half empty pot of coffee still warm when he left the sisters asleep in his bed, pulling on his tshirt from the day before and a pair of sweatpants. After pouring himself a mug he found her on his balcony, legs tucked beneath her in the cushioned chair, with her own coffee in her hands. She had pulled on a pair of his boxers in addition to his shirt, and her feet were bare.

Without saying anything, he set his cup on the bistro table next to her, and plucked hers from her hands as well. He knelt in front of her, one hand on her knee and one coming to rest on her cheek, tucking curls behind her ear. He waited several moments, basking in the absolute trust and relaxation he saw in her face, before leaning forward to press their lips together. He was quickly rewarded with her fingers threading into the hair at his neck, before one hand came down to his shoulder to clutch at his shirt. He pulled away sooner than he would have liked, and opened his eyes to see the most radiant smile on her face.

"I love you too," she said quietly, but confidently. He grinned and kissed her again, this time for as long as he pleased, and then some.

* * *

If you recognize it, it's not mine. I hope you enjoyed.


End file.
